Islamophobic Clowns and the Auspicious Dreams

I had some beautiful dreams in the auspicious month of Ramadan. It began with my visions of Tommy Robinson and Katie Hopkins having sausages and beans at their anniversary meal celebrating a successful year of Islamophobia. Then they heard the announcement on the BBC News, their children and some close family members embraced Islam at the Abu Hamza Mosque in Finsbury Park. They stopped breathing and started choking severely, this was compounded by Tommy realising that the sausages from Tesco were A’lal (Halal). He used to eat them regularly before he got radicalised. Eventually, both of them ended up in the local hospital, where the dark skinned Muslim doctors from Africa with Asian nurses gathered around to save the couple, this frightened them even more, as the years of Islamophobic-radicalisation took its toll on that day. They passed away the following day.

Some of the new converts became devout and enrolled at the local Islamic School to qualify as an Imam. Can you imagine the sons of Tommy and Kate as an Imam in the Mosque? Others started to raise funds to build a new Grand Mosque next to St Paul’s Cathedral. The two buildings with a dome would perfectly complement each other.

The following day, I witnessed mass protests in my dream. The hate preachers were blasting away on the Radio and Television about how this new Mosque would undermine British values, and for sure it will attract more visitors than the Cathedral. Who can resist the exotic A’lal kebabs and curries given away for free in Ramadan and for very little money at other times? Even the impoverished EDL (English Defence League) members queued up for the meals wearing the traditional Pakistani Salwar Kameez to pass as converts to Islam. There were rumours that they would take three portions of Lamb Biriyani and three portions of Chicken Biriyani back to the EDL base for Paul and Jayda.

The mass closure of Churches has already inflamed the far right movement, even though very few of them are religious. Only time seen in Churches is during weddings or funerals.  Many of their followers cannot read the Bible; they didn’t do very well at school, Paki-bashing during the day and at night it was a pint of larger in the Pub with vindaloo. Some were full of contempt seeing so many Asian Doctors and wondered why they could not apply for those jobs. So bloody unfair they moaned, our fathers fought for this country. Well, so did theirs, India was British India once upon a time that supplied many soldiers.

Despite protests, the local council approved the application to build the Grand Mosque next to the iconic St Pauls Cathedral. Politicians of all colours endorsed the decision, particularly surprising this was echoed loudest by the ultra-conservative Conservative-MPs – some speculated that this coincided with another huge arms deal made with Saudi Arabia where some of the MPs have vested business interests. These contracts are very lucrative, the Saudis like the Israelis only use the weapons on Muslim civilians, and they upgrade the planes every year bringing in regular income for the nation.

After a few days, I had another dream, a continuation of what saw in the previous nights.
This conversion of the children and relatives of Katie Hopkins and Tommie Robinson was a big shock on the back of the Finsbury Park Mosque incident in London, where the Imam with his followers protected the Islamophobic attacker from harm. Nobody expected this kind of odd behaviour from the terrorist community! Earlier the Muslim youth displayed unusual behaviour as they responded to the fire at Grenfell Tower and risked their lives to save many Kuffar (unbelievers), this incident caused problems within the far right groups whose leadership dismissed the reporting as fake news spread by the looney left. A few days later they cited the tweet from Donald Trump denouncing it as fake news as further evidence.

Nigel Farage and the Quilliam Foundation (QF) frequently appeared on Television and Radio as experts trying to explain how the conversion took place in the absence of Shooria (Sharia) laws. How were the children radicalised without anyone noticing? Some of the callers blamed the local Mosques, and others blamed the Curry houses for luring them into the den of the exotic A’lal (Halal) food.

In desperation, the QF called an emergency press conference, passed a quick Fatwa declaring that all conversions to Islam were flawed unless certified by the official homegrown Imam. They also hired a team of experts to produce a report on this episode, which would aid the government’s new de-radicalisation (Prevent Part II) strategy.

In the final week of Ramadan, the final vision appeared. It was better than the previous ones. Paul Golding died after a massive Pub Crawl because he overconsumed Sausages with barrels of alcohol. His followers were in chaos. Jayda Fransen was sectioned again. They suspended the regular football brawls for a month along with the online hate campaign and also the recent acid attacks, which Tommy initiated as part of his plan to deal with the Islamic problem.

Some went even further to suggest that the death of their leader was a divine sign that they need to atone for their sins. Those among them who can read started to cite passages from the Bible for the first time, one quoted the line "love thy enemy ... and turn the other cheek". The new priest of the Far Right from the US advised them to make a sacrifice for their sins. Hence, few suggested that they should consider sacrificing a pig that is similar in weight and build of Paul Golding by nailing it to a cross. However, this suggestion led to infighting as the hardliners accused them of succumbing to Muslamic influences of Eid-ul-Adha, where the Muslims sacrificed a holy goat or a camel.  

A few days later, Jayda Fransen was released from the Hospital, but she has become isolated in recent times after she was spotted coming out of a Kebab shop that is well-known for selling A’lal (Halal) meat. And she does not like carrying the cross as it tires her out and she has never attended Church in her life. In any case, she is considering leaving the group because she has secretly fallen in love with the new Asian Nashid-Hip-hop star from Bradford. But Jayda is nervous, because after years of conditioning (Islamophobic radicalisation), can she form a stable relationship, how will she cope with accusations of treachery from her followers. The hardliners do not approve of cross breeding and polluting the superior white genes.

After reading this if you are happy, then please pass the vibe to others, if you feel angry then remember it is only a dream and we have the right to free speech, which manifests in various forms, not just for bashing Islam and Muslims.



Yamin Zakaria (

Published on 27/6/2017

London, UK

Last modified on Monday, 03 July 2017 23:27

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